Second Day Welcome

Long overdue and excited to jump back into writing, I neglected to open this blog with a "welcome post". Never in my 51 years would I imagine I'd be blogging, or even know what that meant. To say that no one ever blogged when I was young makes me feel like my mother and then think two things; how blessed I am to be like my mother, and wait...I'm still young! Just not the kind of young that young used to be.

So who am I and why am I suddenly blogging? Ever since I became one, my first claim to identity is that I'm a mom, of two of the most wonderful sons a girl could dream to have. They are my greatest blessings, my deepest joys, and truly my life would not be my life without them. I've often felt like a woman with a little girl's broken heart, not quite knowing why or how her wounds stunted my growth. Not embracing the season will do that if you're not careful. It'll keep you hiding from the past, timid in the now, preventing you from dancing with abandon to the song God's placed in your soul. Strong on the outside, I've sometimes walked wounded, clinging to that little girl's heart because I was too afraid of who I might be without it.

A friend of mine, full of wisdom and grace, once told me she tried to embrace every season she found herself in. Having been in a particularly painful place at the time, I just wanted to get out of my crappy "season" and certainly didn't want to embrace it! In my state of mind then, I was incapable of embracing anything other than the wounds and walls I'd built around them. Without them, I wasn't sure who'd be left, or if I was ready for the changes that letting go of them might bring. Thank you, Sandra, for planting the seed that God would water and use to turn me into a "seasonal woman"! I'm no longer frozen by the cold winds of the storms, unable to feel the promise of each new day. It's a beautiful and exciting place to be.

I'm also a lover of the Lord. Having been raised with an awareness of God, at 27 my life-long best friend, Joellen, shared her new-found relationship with Christ with me. With more trust in her then in Him, I skeptically invited Him into my own heart. God is incredibly gracious in that He receives even the most pitiful of our reluctant offerings, and He patiently waits, never letting us go, while we gain the wisdom to trust Him with the rest. If you're not into the Lord, you may not be into this blog, for it will be just as laced with His presence as mine. You cannot separate us, me and my God, for in Him, I live and breathe and have my being. I so much more than thank you, Joelle, for introducing me to the One who is the true lover of my soul.

I'm a daughter, sister, auntie and friend. My 85 year old mother is a remarkable woman and perhaps my greatest fan. Much to the joy of my heart, she still calls me "Doll". My little sister, the youngest of 6, has loved me along with more wisdom and maturity than I've often had. She has loved my sons as if they were her own: and in doing so, they have been. Amazingly unconditionally loving friends and two exceptionally Christ-like, totally cool pastors have shaped my life and believed in and for me, in spite of me. They have spoken truth to me when my hope staggered and I toyed with believing misconceptions again. Most importantly, they knew the power of prayer and faithfulness of God when I questioned both, and have prayed for my healing. I'm a sinner, washed by the blood, not always accepting with grace the mercy that God has not once failed to give me. I'm an encourager, a worshipper, and a believer in spite of and often because of the losses I've mourned way too long and let define me. Having finally learned to embrace the seasons, I'm finding peace with their passage and looking expectancy towards those yet to come.

I'm blogging because too long ago, I let disappointments silence my voice and halt the experiences God laid on my heart to share. Sin, both your own and those committed against you, will do that if you don't allow the Lord into them. I've always been a girl of many words (!) and have longed to write and be read. By whom I'm unsure, but in the acceptance and extension of forgiveness and trust in redemption, I've come to realize that I am merely to write with an honest, transparent heart. My youngest son's belief in me helped me reclaim my own. He's a man who's opinions I value, and his thinking I had something worthy of being shared rekindled my confidence. A "chance", as if there is such a thing, reaquaintance with a long-lost friend who shared how she has lived her passions, made me realize it was time to stop neglecting some of my own. I am eternally grateful, Dawn, and hope we will continue to share our stories. Thank you Chereé, Sarah and Jen for speaking words of encouragement, and Karen, for taking your own leap of faith that made mine feel possible.

It is God who will guide those He wants my journey to be shared with. Whether you've happened onto or been invited into the intimacies of my thoughts, I pray that you will hear all that the Lord will whisper into your own. May He bless you as He has me, through that which we sometimes stagger. I pray that He will be glorified as you come to know Him more intimately, no matter how little or well you might know Him now. I pray you will trust Him in the seasons of your life when I did not in mine, that you will open your heart where I held just enough of mine back. That He will heal you of that which may keep you from Him, so that you will experience all He has for you. Whoever you are that may be reading, I pray you know that He loves you like no other, and has great plans for you!

You will learn more about me if you choose to keep reading. More than that, I pray that you will learn more about yourself! Our journeys are purposeful and not at all about who we think we are. They're about discovering who He's created us to be and confidently walking with Him! So welcome, to all the things I've wanted to say but fear made me think I shouldn't.