My Knight in Shining Armor

I had an extremely vivid imagination when I was a young girl. I created a sense of security for that which I felt lost in. Some things were happier in my mind then in reality. There’s always the possibility that I was just whimsical and creative. I may never know the reasons why, but without a doubt I was good at going other places in my mind, and I’ve sometimes carried that little gift into adulthood.

Whether playing The Girl With 1,000 Dresses with Kathy and Barbara, entertaining Joellen with tales of my “other sisters” (the perfect ones I felt just as good as in my fantasies), or escaping that which disappointed me, I might have won awards if only I’d written movie scripts! Especially Chick Flicks and love stories.

One fairy tale I wove well was all about my Knight in Shining Armor. He never failed to answer the cries of my heart when anyone broke it. He was the most consistent man (other than my father), that I’ve ever “known.” When I wasn’t “good enough” and a boyfriend lied, cheated or just merely moved on, that faceless guy without fail thundered in on his majestic white horse. With one swoop of a muscular arm I’d be rescued from the mere mortals who couldn’t see my value. More often than not, I made him so good that regular guys couldn’t hold a candle and I trusted in him more than even myself. My vision often blurred from retreating into the promise of him, and kept me from discovering and loving myself for who I was. But always, he restored my hopes of the Happy Ending, even if I temporarily left him behind with each new relationship that captured my fickle fancy.

I almost fully believed that he’d come along and right all my wrongs. That he’d stay when the others (or I) left. That he’d be perfect and find me perfect and life would be perfect with him. It took me a long, foolish time to realize my Knight wasn’t ever coming! He was already WITH ME and my illusions had blinded me to His true identity! My Knight, the true lover of my soul wasn’t a man or figment of my imagination at all. He was real,the Son of God, the only one who could ever deliver me from my heartaches and misconceptions! He’d been in my heartaches with me, but in my self indulgent, self-inflicted isolation, I’d not sensed His presence! He never left as I sought true love elsewhere. As He always does, He waited patiently for me to respond to His tender calling of my name.

Some people seem to have always known Him. Some respond a lot quicker to His promptings, and some never hear or believe in Him at all. Not me. For reasons He's still revealing, I keep thinking I might know myself a little better than He does, and try to take the lead in this dance He’s choreographed for the two of us. I wonder if He smiles knowingly or winces each time I stub my toes and step on His. He never misses a beat. The moment I relax back into His arms and follow His lead, He provides just the grace I need to recover the rhythm. The more intimately we dance, the more I come to know Him; the more I come to know myself. I'm finding I'm not anything like my sorrows made me fear or my joys made me cling to. No wonder life felt so tumultuous before I realized Him – I was living life as someone other than He intended me to be!

How silly of me for wasting my energies creating fairy tales when I've always been so dearly loved by the King! There's so much more joy in His company then a mere Knight in Shining Armor's!